The Lord Of The Rings, starring the noblistic Elijah Wood and wondrous Ian McKellen

'LOTR' starts with a prologue that astounds with an inordidant number of brilliant sequences, whether it be of the exhibition or mayhem. Director Peter Jackson has not created a fantasy film; he has created a world built upon bold layers of Tolkien's history. The acting is top-notch with leads Elijah Wood and Ian McKellen batting to the best of their abilities. With its near three hour running span, surprisingly, 'LOTR' plays devilishly quick. Every second was used to the advantage of propelling the film into the annals of cinematic landmarks. Does Jackson succeed in creating the best film of this new millennium? In one word: Shittingyeah. The movie ends leaving the audience in breathless anticipation for the coming installment next December. The hype that surrounded the film was well-deserved, and then some. 'LOTR: The Two Towers', where art' thou? - The wait for chapter three begins on 12/23/01

The Majestic, starring the rousing Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey thunders in 'The Majestic' with his haunting performance. His eyes alone could have told the story. It's in his eyes that you see he is a man aching alive with childlike wonder. Oscar, let's hope you haven't been blindsided again this year and will nominate the man, after childishly forgetting his performances in 'The Truman Show' and 'Man On The Moon.' Harking back to a time of old-age depth, 'The Majestic' brings home the proud notion of Americana to a delicate world embedded in constitutional rights. In no way, shape or form, does 'The Majestic' promote propaganda, as the nation's critics have been spouting. The film is part of that rare crop that dares to spread the idealistic ways of democracy. It made me proud to be watching movies, proud to love, and... Well, in as few words as possible, what I'm trying to say is... after seeing 'The Majestic', I feel proud to be an American. - Looked at the world in a different light on 12/23/01

Not Another Teen Movie, starring the lustful Chyler Leigh

'Scary Movie' encompassed a genre and drove it into the ground with laughs flurried about manicly. It succeeded on so many levels. Its sequel tried to capitalize on the same formula and sadly, failed on a mediocre note. The teen genre hasn't had the fortunic opportunity of being made fun of... until now, that is. 'Not Another Teen Movie' furiously crackles and pops juvenile fodder so jubilantly, it revives the spoof genre singlehandedly. As a big fan of the spoof-hard films of yesteryear, 'NATM' wins with its jokes hard-hitting and being bunched up so close to one another. The characters are all a stroke of pure genius (Especially the blond guy who seems to be loosely based on Paul Walker's ass frat boy character in 'She's All That'). Let's hope there is enough success for 'NATM' to merit a sequel, as the film does have a chockful of future material to reference from and gladly mull over. Here's to hoping there will be 'Another Not Another Teen Movie' in the future's pipeline. - Grossed out on anal fissures on 12/23/01

Vanilla Sky, starring the effervescent Tom Cruise and captivating starlets Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz

'Vanilla Sky' is a dark, admirable film. The original, 'Abren Los Ojos', which 'Sky' extremely strides upon is very much on par with its remake. But compared to its Spanish predecessor, 'Sky' is more visually disturbing. Director Cameron Crowe is not afraid of alienating star Tom Cruise's core female fan base with picturesque head-on camera angles of his battered and broken mug. Crowe and Cruise should be commended for taking such a daring leap into the realm of the nitty gritty. Cruise delivers a distraught performance that shakes, rattles and rolls. When all's said and done, 'Sky' might cause an uproar with audiences who like to have their material bland and understandable, but as for me, I like my shit confusing and overanalytical. - Spinning around in stupidity on 12/23/01

Behind Enemy Lines, starring the war-weary Owen Wilson and formidable Gene Hackman

Most war films provide raw, realistic looks at the combat on ground. The gripes I've had so far with them is the action they've displayed on screen. Either too boring visually or too tame for my tastes. 'Behind Enemy Lines' has provided the war fix I needed. Even with what looks like such a low budget, it still maintains its status as an extravant action piece with plentiful scenes of superiority. Gene Hackman strongholds a kinetic presence to Owen Wilson's heroic naval aviator. Sometimes the rules have to be broken... That is the message 'Lines' holds true on. And believe you me, it is one of the most important morals not taught in life. One scene in particular in the film, involving wires and mines, pulsates with an effect so vibrant, so obliterating that it literally rocked the audience from their seats. Furthermore, Wilson is not the typical oversized, ironclad action hero scurrying to save the day--but you know what? He still kicks facking ass. - Beating the shit outta Bosnian/Serb forces on 12/23/01

Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, starring rising celebrity Daniel Radcliffe

There we were, me and my girl sitting there under the darkness-struck movie theater. Awaiting the most anticipated film of the year--or the new millennium--hoping that it would live up to expectations. After 2 hours and 30 minutes of getting caught up in the Harry Potter hysteria, I have to say... I'm kind of mixed up on the matter. On one hand, I love the book like a biatch; but on the other hand, I felt the movie seemed condensed--too much for my tastes. The set pieces, makeup, and acting were top-notch, but something just didn't sit right with me. I'll probably need a second viewing to finalize my true feelings. But all of my stupidity aside, at least my gal enjoyed it much more than she thought she would. - Where was my damn Quidditch on 11/21/01

Serendipity, starring cult hero John Cusack

'Serendipity' is the kind of film hopeless romantics love to pick apart and fall in love with. Seeing it in the company of my girl only enhanced the film even more so. It displayed the workings of fate, destiny, and the ingenius concept of serendipity itself to an incredibly interesting extent. 'Serendipity' has that rarity of intelligence sometimes missing from the romance genre nowadays. - Snuggling with my gal pal on 11/10/01

Domestic Disturbance, starring the harrowing John Travolta

Vince Vaughn... an actor of the metamorphing kind. In the beginning of 'Domestic', he moonlights as a dorky, gay-laughing rich boy. But in a matter of one scene to the next, he is more menacing than the Phantom Menace himself (ok, I may be exaggerating but when have I not exaggerated before?)... John Travolta gives a brutal performance as the father that will lower his very soul to protect his family. His role reminded me of what a great father is like, and how lucky I am to have a father just like Travolta's character--but even greater. - Honoring the fact that my dad and mom are the world's greatest on 12/17/01

Shallow Hal, starring the chick magnet that is Jack Black!

Many filmmakers do not have the galls to bring up the important issues like the Farrelly Brothers do. Fresh off the underrated "Me, Myself, And Irene" and "There's Something About Mary," the Farrellys bust out of the gate with a film with an epic topic at hand: obesity. The result is a side-splittingly clever tale about love at first sight and second personality. Although not as amusing as the previous Farrelly outings, ("Kingpin" being tops) the film is smart and well-made. - Fattened up my fair portion on 12/17/01

Spy Game, starring the fightingest of em' all, Brad Pitt, and the sage-like Robert Redford

'Spy Game' is an exuberant, technical exploration of espionage and war. It is a torn out of the visual stethoscopes look at how war is made and why the US is an ally in the mass destructive entity that is war. In the end, 'Game' may bore some younger viewers, but for the audience with a thinking mind, 'Game' is an enticing piece of lucrative info - Spying on my ownself on 12/17/01

The Others, starring the busty Nicole Kidman

Damn, even though Nicole Kidman was pretty fucking pale in this movie, I bonered through my local theatre's roof for her, pissed in my pants at that whopper of an ending, and jumped out of my seats onto the lap of some gun-wielding hillbilly on three occasions. - Got the beejeezus scared outta my shit on 10/24/01

The Road Home, starring the one and only Zhang ZiYi!

The cinematography is the shitnit! Fack! As I sat pondering the morality, direction, and utter beauty of this fucking shit, I dropped a tear and... er? Nah, I just didn't say that shit, did I!? I scratch what I just said... I didn't mean to--er, um, I mean I didn't cry!... Damn. - I repeat, I did not fucking cry on 10/27/01